May 13, 2019 - Learning New Tricks

I have self-diagnosed myself (allow myself to introduce myself)

many times over the years via google. I have had various foot ailments, Morton’s neuroma ( a neuroma so good it has a salt named after it. Actually, I have been to the Morton mansion in Nebraska City, Nebraska. It is beautiful and not made of salt, it is also the home of Arbor Day.

http://gonebraskacity.com/member/arbor-lodge-state-historical-park/

I am not sure it was a Morton’s neuroma but the pebble in the shoe feeling turned into a constant burning and lasted well over a year. This was about 5 years ago and since then, I seem to have resolved the right foot and stumbled upon a new problem on my left foot. We ran 2 Christmas races, including an 8k, which to me still seems like a marathon, I then spent a weekend squatting and reaching to remove The World’s Ugliest Wallpaper. The next morning, I could not stand on my foot. It was swollen and felt like I was walking on a brick. According to my magic 8 Google, I had a partial tear of the plantar plate, or a stress fracture, or gangrene. It was Christmas and ain’t nobody got time to go to the doctor so I suffered and survivied with NSAIDS and clunky old-lady sandals, which I later found to be the almost identical to the horrendously ugly Hoka’s I wound up wearing to heal my wounds and wound my pride.

I never go to the actual doctor, but this time, I was a responsible adult, I sucked up my pride and my several thousand dollar deductable and made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. When I made the appointment, I couldn’t walk. By the time several weeks had passed, I was mobile, in pain and bruised looking but mobile. When I arrived in the waiting room, I realized I had made a huge mistake. To say I was the only one in the waiting room not in a full body cast would be an accurate statement. Clearly my little foot pain was going to pale in comparison to the horrific injuries these people were dealing with. I hoped in my permanent record it would show the doctor that I am not a cry-baby and I hardly ever seek medical attention. After hours of waiting, they took an x ray of my foot. The tiny doctor man who was no more than 20 years of age told me he couldn’t see a stress fracture. I asked about this metatarsalgia I had read about or metatarsal plate tear, he said it was possible but my bunions were the likely cause. Perhaps, but I have had these same bumpy bunions since I was 12 and this second toe on my left foot was now club-footed when it used to be straight.

Long story short, I even went to a podiatrist who was even more dismissive than the orthopedist. In the orthopedist’s defense, I wasn’t yet in a full body cast and I did walk both into and out of the office so pretty much a success story. I work in healthcare and see my share of worry-worts, I don’t dismiss their problems. I have a deformed toe when there wasn’t one a few months ago and Dr. Google tells me it’s from a tear, likely permanent at this point. Dr. Foot gave me an adhesive pad for my shoe, spent 10 seconds looking at my foot, didn’t have me stand or look at my pile of shoes I was thoughtful enough to bring in. When I am ready for bunion surgery, I should call him. Hmm, no thanks, I’ll see the 20 year body cast mummy artist.

In my extensive research, I find a blog from a woman dressed up for a Disney themed race who seems to have had my injury and is now able to run again in whimsical outfits with even uglier shoes, the Hokas. The premise of these abominations is that if you design the shoe with a rocker bottom, the stress of pushing off on your toe is eliminated and by choosing the worst colors imaginable, it takes your mind of any physical pain by replacing it with searing-eyeball ugliness.

I bought the Hokas that were said to be so comfortable, they were legendary! They were re-introducing the HOKA One one 1. Uno? I am not sure why there are so many ones but alas, here we are. I accidently ordered the uglier of the 2 color choices, tried them fora few weeks, decided they were too big and ordered the smaller size with the less ugly color scheme. Less ugly being the operative word.

It is now May and I had built my way back up to that oh-so marathon like 8k mark when fate stepped in and squashed my foot again. I am not sure if this is still residual from my now deformed hammer toe creating tendonitis, a tight calf muscle or just old age sticking her thumb in my eye but I have a burning painful to the touch feeling on the inside of my leg. It is not visibily swollen, I don’t think I have a blood clot, though that is always my first thought. It feels like a nerve and a blood vessel had a fight and both of them woke up sore the next morning. I have been analyzing new and excitng ways to tie my shoes in order to relieve pressure from the top of my foot. I am able to put a shoe on today, so I consider this a small victory. I am going to try the skip lacing. I had been alternating my Hoka Clifton 1 with my Merrell Bare Access 4 as I thought the additional cushioning would help reduce any stress related injury but now I am thinking I will go back to the Merrell full time. Though the Hoka is said to be a 4mm heel drop, I feel the difference in my calf when I switch back.

We are supposed to run some sort of charity mile race, grouped by age, this Saturday. We shall see if old-mother nature is going to keep me down. Until then, I will be staring, exasperated, at these diagrams.

I spent way too long trying to figure out an alternate lacing pattern, who knew there were so many?

There isn’t an option for 40 year old bunion feet.

On the bright side, being sidelined allowed for me to spend some extra time painting this weekend. I came up with this little number from a photograph I took around the Chesapeake Bay.